46 points of your death – Signs indicating a cheating wife and her excuses
Let’s do this: you send your wife to a movie theater, while you and I will shut the door in the kitchen, open up the window, light our cigarettes, sit down at the table, take out a bottle of vodka and talk. About what? I’ll say, “Hi, buddy! Have you ever thought that your wife’s been fucking another man for quite a while?” Am I being rude? Sorry! Let me put it this way, “My friend, do you know you’ve been made a cuckold?”
Signs indicating a cheating wife
Or you thought you’re the only one in your family who can have a lover? Sorry, I have to disappoint you. Statistically, in Russia about 70% of wives cheat on their husbands. Moreover, over 15% have children with their lovers!
But please, don’t hurry to take a paternity test. Above all, it’s expensive. Secondly, you don’t have to do it yet. First pay attention to your wife, her behavior. There are 46 signs indicating that a wife is cheating on her husband. All of them you will find below.
Sings indicating a cheating wife
The main sign of a cheating wife is:
1. Your wife’s changed. You just feel it, you know it subconsciously. You can’t find words to describe what exactly has changed about her but you know all these changes are not accidental. They are caused by her lover, sex with another man, her infidelity.
Congratulations! Don’t say anything. Just nod. If you ask your wife why she’s changed, she’ll say this,
“I’ve grown up, I’m a woman now. I’m smarter than I ever was. I’ve started to understand life. I feel confident after all! I can feel this freedom thanks to you. You’re so strong and smart, you’ve made me smarter and stronger. You gave me freedom. So what’s so strange about the fact that I’ve changed and stopped being the fool I used to be?”
You know what, my dear cuckold? There’s a 50% chance that your wife (damn that bitch and her bitchy statistics) tells you the truth! So it’s too early to smash her face or divorce her and take away all the money. She may actually be telling the truth.
But that’s not the only explanation she’ll give you. Why? Because we’re discussing signs of a cheating wife, so listen to what I say. I’m not going to repeat it twice.
2. Her sense of humor has changed. She jokes like a man and is being smart and witty. So, unless your wife’s hit her head against something or started going to a gym where she takes male hormones secretly, she hears these jokes from someone! Most likely, from her lover while resting her head on his huge shoulder after having sex for the third time that day.
“I’ve never thought you didn’t like my jokes,” she says. “Besides, I’ve always joked like this. I just did it to myself. Now I’m just older and more confident, besides I’ve come to realize you can stand my humor. Don’t you like it? Then, from now on, I won’t say a word! And I didn’t’t hear it from anybody! You underestimate me! And none of the men I know has such sense of humor. ”
Should you believe her or not? Unfortunately, it’s easier to decide whether to pull the trigger or not when you put a gun to your temple than to decide whether to believe or not to the wife who you’ve almost caught cheating.
3. She’s become more confident, like any other woman who has (want to hear the truth? Here it is, “finally”) found a smart, sexually strong and sometimes pretty rich lover.
“Sorry, but you earn enough so I don’t have to work as a cashier at a grocery store and do what any woman who has a successful husband does. If you only knew how my friends envy me seeing you!”
That’s it: her friends!!! That’s who we are going to talk about now.
4. Your wife returns from a restaurant she went to with her friends and looks at you weirdly – without that respect and admiration (perhaps, insincere) she was looking at you with before, but grinning, with a scorn. You are looking at her and understand that it didn’t happen by chance. You wife’s just told her friends that her new boyfriend is better than you, nonentity. As she returned home, she realized that he’s not only better, he’s way better.
If I describe that shit your life’s turned into correctly, I advise you to start ticking it off. Then, when you finish reading this post, count how many ticks you have to understand that everything’s not that great and you have plenty of reasons to suspect your wife of infidelity.
Anyways, you wife’s going to say,
“Relax! We’ve have a couple of drinks! I got carried away and decided to play! And as I’ve read in one magazine, playing makes family life more exciting! So I was teasing you! And all my, and I want to repeat it – they are not bitches, friends know that for me you’re the best man in the whole world!”
5. She’s started wearing sexy underwear to work. It seems like she’s going to walk in her office wearing only her panties (how can this string be called panties?) and a bra.
“First of all, I’m a woman and I have a need to know that I’m attractive. That’s in our nature! Secondly, I’m getting old and please let me feel sexy at least by wearing nice underwear. And babe, would you prefer that I went to work wearing no underwear at all?”
6. She’s started wearing more makeup. She buys a bunch of new makeup, while only half a year ago she claimed she didn’t need it at all. And you know it because every time you started to discuss her Christmas or birthday presents, she said she wanted a new pan or an iron, rather than a lipstick and shadows.
“You’re making it all up! I’ve always worn that much makeup. I’m sorry that you’ve only noticed it now. What else will you accuse me of? That I wash my hair? Brush my teeth?” Or she’ll just say, “I’m just following the fashion. If in a month they say it’s cool wearing no makeup at all, I won’t, trust me.”
As for the presents:
7. You find expensive stuff in your home which you can’t afford. Check out her jewelry, makeup and clothes. And don’t believe that that Chanel is not authentic, that’s glass but not a gem in her ring and the boots which look more expensive than your car were bought in a second hand store for a couple of dollars.
That’s how she may explain it,
“I’ve started to earn more and I spend this money on myself.”
“I save money, I don’t eat meat at home and don’t have lunch at work. Do I have to spend this money to buy you beer?”
“All employees in our company receive Christmas presents. Don’t you? ”
“Lena (another fucking friend of your wife) was selling it for a quarter of the price. Why wouldn’t I buy it?”
8. She smells differently. You can smell it when she walks out of the shower. I want to remind you what scientists say about it. When semen enters a woman’s body (doesn’t matter how), it alters her genes and she starts having a different smell.
“Our physiology changes with time. Hormones change with age. You, babe, don’t smell of violets, either. Go sniff your socks. And when we met, you didn’t smell of dead animals.”
9. Now look at her friends again. These bitches have always hated you, yes. But now they behave as if they have something on you – they know that your wife’s cheating on you and is so happy about that that she can’t help telling all her friends (I wish they all die) about it.
“They’re fools! Lonely, envious, rude fools! Of course they hate you knowing how lucky I am to have you in my life, a strong and successful man, you’ve chosen me but not them!”
If you ask your wife, “Why’re you even friends then?” your wife will answer, “I’ve known them for a million years. And I feel kind of sorry for them… What will they do without me?”
10. Your mother-in-law’s changed too. She behaves as if it’s time for you to pack up your stuff and get out. Even despite the fact that the apartment you’re living in is yours.
“Don’t pay attention. You know my mom… She can be weird. I promise I’ll talk to her!”
11. Another thing that proves that your wife has a lover is the fact that she’s changed her attitude towards intimate grooming. She used to hate shaving her armpits and her unshaven legs made you think a porcupine was lying next to you in bed. But now her skin as smooth as Carrara marble and her bikini zone looks like she’s decided you’re a pedophile who likes little girls.
“Are you out of your mind? It’s hot in the street and you want me to do what? To scare people away with my hairy armpits showing through my dress? Everybody would see it!” Or, “You said it to me that you didn’t like my body hair. I did it for you. All right, I won’t do it again.”
12. Here’s one more thing – her breasts. Touch them. Whoa-whoa! Hold on! Not yours. Hers! Have they hardened? It means she’s horny all the time, expecting to have good sex. And now try to remember the last time you two had good sex.
“You’re saying nonsense! Breasts always harden and get bigger before menstruation.” If you ask her to show you her lady’s calendar, she’ll barely agree to do it.
13. You try to touch your wife’s breasts but she wouldn’t let you, as if you disgust her. Who she wants to touch her breasts then? And why only three weeks ago everything was all right?
“Not now! Why are you always doing it at the most inopportune moment? Let’s wait for the kids to fall asleep, we’ll take a shower and go to bed…”
Don’t forget that you’re playing the roulette and there’s a 50% chance that she’s telling you the truth. That’s why think about it but not just be jealous, shout at her and pretend that she’s that exception who would never cheat on her husband.
14. Pay your attention to what movies she likes to watch. She used to like Russian soap operas, while now she’s crazy about romantic movies about love. Of course she wants to watch movies about love – she’s in love herself! But who is she in love with? You? I don’t think so.
“I’ve always liked such movies. We just didn’t have many TV channels to choose from. And now when we have cable TV (got a DVD player, use torrents...) I can watch what I want.”
15. Let’s get back to the presents and holidays. What did she give you on Men’s Day, your birthday or Christmas? Socks? Boxers? A deodorant? The price she paid for your present reflects how much she loves you.
“And what did you give me? Remember? Mimosas? A bolter? Candies? ”
16. Now check out her purse. Have you found condoms or napkins? Damn it, don’t you understand why she needs it?
“I’ll show you if you don’t understand it. When my lipstick or mascara gets smeared, I use a napkin. When I go to the public bathroom, I take napkins too to wipe my hands dry after washing them.”
And now about the feeling of guilt the woman, who cheated on her husband and is afraid that he might find out about it and leave her, has.
17. She gives you a lot of expensive presents, sometimes to the detriment of herself and her children.
“You are doing so much for me and our kids! Do you think I don’t understand what price you have to pay for our well-being? Do you think I can’t be just thankful to you?”
18. Your wife turns into an awesome cook. She cooks your favorite dishes every day and every evening you come home from work to find another banquet waiting for you.
“Sorry, it must be too much. I got hooked on a cooking show and they make wonders there! I just feel bad that I’ve never cooked for you before.”
19. She stops complaining about your bad habits which she hated and tried to fight before. Your find alcohol, cigarettes at home while all sports events are underlined with red.
You wouldn’t believe it, but the excuse will be the same,
“You’re doing so much for me and our kids!..”
20. She doesn’t mind your online games. By the way, statistically, gamers’ wives cheat on their husbands more often than the wives of alcoholics.
“I’ve come to understand that it’s useless trying to make you stop playing games.” Or, “Want the truth? When you were gone, I played your Warcraft. And you know what? I liked it. Can we play together?”
21. You have sex more often than before. Moreover, it’s too often even for you.
“With age, women have increased sex drive. Moreover, we have sexual peak at age 30 – 40 – 50.”
22. She behaves like a whore who charges $700 per hour, doing things you would never ever make her do before (neither by giving her presents not by threatening her with divorce).
“I’ll stop if you don’t like it. But life’s short and all our life we’ve been doing it in position number one.”
23. She keeps telling her mother and all her friends what a great husband you are. Usually, you know that she’s lying.
“But that’s what I really think! Darling, you underestimate yourself. You’re the best husband in the world! I’m so lucky to have you!”
Now let’s turn into spies and try to collect some evidence of her guilt, analyzing how often she uses gadgets she’s never been interested in before, such as cell phones, computers, laptops, tablets.
signs of infidelity cell phone text messages
24. You take her cell phone and find out that all her text messages have been deleted. There can be only one conclusion. The bitch has something to hide and she hides it by deleting the text messages she sent to her lover.
“I don’t even remember when I deleted them. Buy me a new phone, with a bigger memory, and I won’t have to delete anything. And this phone has glitches when there are more than ten texts on it.”
25. Receiving another text message, your wife doesn’t read it right away. Instead, she hides her cell phone so you can’t see the name of the sender.
“Do you want me to get distracted every time I get another crazy text from my crazy sister?”
26. Receiving a call, she walks out of the room as she “doesn’t want to bother you.” She may even lock up in the bathroom and turn on the faucet so you couldn’t hear her voice.
“I didn’t want to bother you.” Or, “It was Svetlana, I haven’t heard from her for ages. We talked about our husbands. She married a moron, can you believe that? It felt so good telling her about you, how great you’re. By the way, she said a hello to you.”
27. After a talk like the one described above, she’s shining with happiness, as if she’s been through some romantic adventure.
“Svetlana told me a hilarious joke, that’s it.” “What joke?” “You know I can’t tell jokes.”
28. Her mobile phone bills have grown significantly. It looks like all she does is speaking on her phone.
“Mom doesn’t feel well. I have to call her all the time.”
29. She has created her own mailbox. It’s protected with a password you can’t crack.
“Sorry, but it’s for work. I’ll be in trouble if my boss finds out that someone else is using my email.”
30. When you finally crack the password, you find that all the folders (sent, received, basket, spam) are empty!
“How could you! It means you don’t trust me!” Or “What did you expect to find there? Emails from a lover? To have any, I need to at least find a lover but I don’t need anyone but you…” and so on.
31. You wife says words only people who spend a lot of time online say. It means she at least chats with that bastard (how else should I call this bastard?) or they talk through some social network.
“I spend half my day online! Plus I call my parents on Skype and have friends on Facebook. It’s the 21st¢ury. How else should I stay in touch with people?”
32. One more thing: all of a sudden, she knows all new movies, books and plays, as if it’s important to her to impress someone (guess who?).
“I’m sorry that I don’t talk about hockey, beer, politics and whatever else you enjoy. And I’m also sorry that you treat me as a fool who can’t be interested in anything but cooking and cleaning. ”
33. She gets too many wrong number calls and there are letters in your once common mailbox from her old school friends.
“You’re right. I need to change my SIM card. I’m fed up with all these calls!” As for her old friends, “I wish you saw those fat and bold clowns! And in high school I thought they were cool! But now… Victor’s an alcoholic, Alex’s a drug addicts and Vadim’s just been released from jail.”
Now the most interesting part: SEX! Or, to be more precise, all those changes in your sex only a self-assured fool can fail to notice. And I guess in this country, which is flooded with infidelity, there are not many of them left.
signs of a cheating wife
34. She doesn’t want to have sex with you. That’s it. Congratulations! That bitch has someone who sexually satisfies her and she doesn’t need you anymore.
“I’m too tired. We both go to work, but in the evening you watch TV and sleep on weekends while I have to take care of kids, buy grocery, clean up the place, cook and do the laundry. Help me with some of it and I’ll be gladly have sex with you.”
If I were you, I’d say, “All right. We’ll see if you keep your word.”
35. Your sex’s changed. Now she requires from you something you’ve never done before.
“I’m getting older. What’s so strange about it? I just don’t understand you sometimes.”
36. Your wife looks disappointed after having sex with you, as if she’s compared the mini-you with some other giant.
“Have I hurt you? Perhaps, something’s changed in me after I gave birth (because of her hormonal imbalance). Damn it, I don’t like it either!”
37. Your wife’s started talking about sex toys, vibrators, etc.
“Keep drinking beer and I’ll ask you for more! And whose fault is it that with age it got shorter instead of getting longer? Admit it, our sex is not as long as before. Or is it but not with me?”
38. Suddenly, she’s stopped treating you as a partner in sex. You are just a toy who has to satisfy her needs which have become of primary importance to her.
“Sorry. I’ve just got carried away. Tell me what you want and I’ll do everything to make you feel better.”
39. She’s started criticizing your height, beer belly and flaccid muscles – things she’s never cared about before.
“When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror? Yes, it upsets me that the waist of Ludmila’s husband is smaller than mine or that Svetlana’s husband goes to the gym! And he’s not stupid at all! If only you saw his back… I saw him and Svetlana a couple of days ago and he… ”
40. Another sign proving that your wife has a lover is the fact that she’s bought a perfume for you she asks you to apply before sex. It’s understandable. That way, it’s easier for her to imagine her lover. And who did you think you smelled of? Of him! That bedhopper fucks your wife using this very perfume.
“I just came to a store and liked the smell and thought about you. Sorry, next time I’ll get you a hotdog. Or you are going to say that buying a hotdog I think about someone else’s penis?”
41. All of a sudden, she likes role playing. Pay your attention to what it’s about: you’re a pirate, cosmonaut, monster or an angel or you’re a company director, coworker, taxi driver or a plumber? Remember, the one you’re playing is the one your wife’s actually dreaming of fucking.
“I don’t understand the difference between a pirate and a policeman? But if you don’t want… Okay, let’s do it this way: you’re a dwarf and I’m a slutty Snow White. And trust me, I have no wolf friends, online friends or colleagues. Or you’ll be jealous of the wolf too? ”
42. If you used to like doing it in the light, now your wife wants darkness, maybe that way it’s easier for her to imagine her lover while having sex with you?
“I didn’t want to bring it up… The thing is I’ve gained a couple of pounds lately. I don’t feel as attractive and sexy as before and I’m afraid you may leave me because of that.”
43. Remember the perfume? So, you don’t smoke but you wife asks you to take a couple of puffs before sex so she could smell the tobacco, or she offers you to have a drink to smell alcohol. The question is: from whom?
“I don’t know but it turns me on. If you don’t want to smoke or drink, don’t. I love you anyway.”
Do you know the three main signs of a cheating wife? Here they are:
44. Attempts to look younger (both regarding her look and behavior). That’s not bad at all, but she goes to a grocery wearing high heels and a mini skirt as if she’s going to stalk the runway.
“Sorry, but unlike you, I’m not getting prettier with age. And I don’t want you to leave me in a couple of years for some college girl.”
45. Don’t you find it suspicious that your wife’s started wearing shaping underwear? Doesn’t it make you think who she wants her boobs to be higher and butt smaller for?
“All right, I won’t wear it anymore. But will you buy me new clothes? The thing is this corset is what makes it possible for me to wear those jeans (dress, jacket) without fearing that they will tear apart at the seams.”
46. Your wife has gone on a diet and started working out, given she doesn’t give a damn how you look. If she wants you to be healthy and good-looking too (by going to a gym and replacing dumplings with salads), there’s no need for you to worry. But if your wife likes jogging in the morning and loses weight without you, it means only one thing: she doesn’t need you anymore.
But your wife objects, “I’m getting old, honey. But I don’t want to get old! I want to be attractive. First of all, for you. Because I’m afraid you will leave me...” They know how to make you feel sorry and apologize for not trusting them and suspecting them of having an affair.
Remember, there’s a 50% chance that she’s telling you the truth! Hurrah! Or you may think about the fact, that there’s also a 50% chance that she’s lying… But how can you know for sure what your wife thinks about you, what she feels, and if she has a lover? Can you know the answer?
Yes, you can!