When the husband left — it is always painful. Even if family life was not happy. And even if the husband was not particularly love. It's human nature. When the man who gave you at least once to understand what sets you apart from others, can not live without you, that believes you have the best of all, suddenly once again «pushes» you into «total number» — it can not hurt, do not bite. ..
Why does it hurt?
Left husband not only undermines self-esteem, self-esteem is sharp, but leaves a number of other gaping holes in the woman's life. Splits usual scheme of pastime. Found that the range of common acquaintances partly consists of her husband's friends and chat with them is broken. No one is to teach, no one to blame for the fact that he ruined your life, no one to cuddle, no one to bicker about whose turn it is take out the garbage and wash the dishes. Demonstrate a new outfit or show off their amazing pies woman, of course, can and at work. But to play in the «innocent victim» in the «man on which all rests» or, conversely, in the «helpless little girl, which is so necessary care» and other similar games in the workplace is not always possible. At the same families often these games are becoming a kind of ritual, and when they stop, the woman feels that she was missing something.
And, of course, left without a husband, she feels more vulnerable in a material respect.
The woman seems way out of this one — return get husband back. And it does not dissuade any arguments that it is not only man and their relationship was not something unique.
And if the man really was the only one suffering only intensified. This often traps women are very selective in communicating. Typically, such people have a small circle of close friends. And everyone in this circle — «worth its weight in gold.» Each is comparable to the unique work of art, where one can not fully compensate for the loss of another.
Why husband leave?
It is this need to try to understand at first. What he lacked in communication with you? Maybe there was something in excess? More than you need? Do not rush to answer this important question. Think hard. Even if the husband, leaving, could not be more clearly formulated their claims. Many people avoid painful for them to discuss problems and invented a substitute for the real reason.
To ensure that you understand the true cause of your break, think again, the situations in which the husband often spoiled the mood. When he was brought into the house of a company of drunken friends, and you deliberately rattled dishes in the kitchen, not considering it necessary to conceal the dissatisfaction? Or when you're flirting with another man? Or when you allowed him to «calm» to watch football talk, which again has no money and that he was not involved in your children?
When you found out why &husband left, think about whether you can give him what he wants, if you will have another chance. If you still think that his wish — a whim, you want to stop, and my husband needs a re-education, it is hardly worth trying to get it back. It is better to look around in search of another man, whose needs are greater than the same as yours.
The rules clarify the relationship
Talk to him. But without complaints, accusations and excuses. Because the man is ready to advance to this and is preparing to resist. If your lips fall through at least one charge or accusation, he will read in your eyes, the conversation turned to the next series of clarifying the relations that have more distant you are from each other. Demonstrate that all acknowledge his freedom, and nothing on applying for. Just want to understand what happened, where you were wrong. Each of us so rarely listen carefully to the life that few can resist the temptation to make a sore.
Do not bargain, I promise to mend, and you come back to the family. And do not make the ex-husband «paddock hunting.» Remember, taking on the role of a hunter, you will automatically tell the husband, the role of game. In this capacity, he can only «run away» or to defend themselves, but do not have to «beaters» love. The woman the victim can be combined with a feeling of love, a man — only in rare «abnormal» cases.
Change does not «pretend» for a time, and seriously and permanently. Because they understood that right man. Because, having changed, you have learned to listen, understand and respect the wishes of others. Learned to respect myself.
In no case does not demonstrate his beloved that they are ready to wait for him forever. Otherwise, you risk becoming a perpetual «fallback». In addition, one of the main charms of the love of the game is that the favorite should always win. Therefore, actively communicate with different people, including men. Let your ex-husband sees that you are quite capable of existing independently, you are attractive to other men and that he might be late.
If a husband demands of you, that you give up yourself, become his servants, his hands, his eyes, his ears, consider this: why do you need to revive a family?
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